so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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