belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
