I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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