I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
