How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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