She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Everything about him screamed your future.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
