hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
