Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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