so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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