we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
