I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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