...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
