i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
