it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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