good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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