I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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