for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
