I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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