cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
