no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
