Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
