I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think your dad took our porno
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
