Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
