Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
