god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
