You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
