No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
