in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
