you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
