I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I need help removing her.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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