Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
