i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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