Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
