I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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