Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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