I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
