He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
