Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
