I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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