She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
