she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
