All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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