my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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