Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
