I'm jealous of your bromance
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
