Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
