Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
