Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
