4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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