i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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