I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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