I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
